well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
