I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize