you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
