I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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