We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize