i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
