as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
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I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk