oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.