Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it