can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"