Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
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I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"