Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats