my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
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Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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