So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Non-Jews are for practice
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
