Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
