I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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