tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information