dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
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everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?