I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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