sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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