I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
