What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
