It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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