I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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