he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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