fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize