Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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