Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
