My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize