i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
