I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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