my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
