Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
