bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
