Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
