i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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