the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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