my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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