Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
