I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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