sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
