Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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