is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i've created a new STD.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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