I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
They took my balls.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
