dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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