If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize