I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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