my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize