I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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