just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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