I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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