His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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