yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
