ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize