My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
