I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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