mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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