He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
