I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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