Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.