i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...