I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
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I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?